Shaggy-Do

Even with my new short cut, I started shedding quite a bit this week so decided a proactive haircut was needed. I started with a lovely pompadour/mohawk look, and I must say I rocked it (though the photo does not do it justice). I've decided that after I get through treatment I'm going to have a mid-life crisis during which I sport age-inappropriate hair-dos. Shocking purple, spikes... that sort of thing. Nothing like a spot of cancer to instigate a "I don't give a rat's a** what anybody else thinks I look like" attitude! Let's see if I can still manage that frame of mind when I'm completely bald... ;)

I've heard that sometimes family members will also shave their heads in solidarity. Since "shorn" is John's typical look, he's decided to go the opposite direction; he's not cutting his hair until mine starts to grow back. I'm not certain I'll be able to survive that -- I already think he looks like a shaggy hippie.

My dad and step-mom have been here all week which has been fun though I've been somewhat hampered by throwing my back out. I had visions of hiking all over Sonoma County with them and getting my strength back before my next chemo treatment (tomorrow), but mostly we've done short little jaunts. They stayed in their Airstream on our land (they got to stay on the land even before we did, dagnabbit!), and they have had everything they need thanks to the ongoing kindness of our new neighbors, especially Bill & Cheryl, and Steve & Carrie, who let them hook up to both water and power. What a luxe life!

I made it through round 1 of chemo with flying colors and even my oncologist was impressed with how limited the symptoms were and how quickly I was able to rebound, so I'm crossing my fingers and toes that round 2 goes just as smoothly. Onward!

The Bad Blogger is Back

Perhaps "bad" is a bit strong, but the Extremely Tardy Blogger is very accurate. Currently, my computer time is somewhat limited so I've mostly spent it on work, but really... a month without a post is waaaaaay too long. My apologies for the lengthy post.

SO! Last Monday the 7th was my first chemo treatment. It went very smoothly, though took about 4 hours since it was the first one and they had a lot to explain to me. The process itself is easy -- I just got hooked up to an IV, and sat around while it dripped in. I did a healing meditation, did some visualization, chatted with John, and zoned out.

I had help from various healing tchotchke friends and family have sent me, including: a beautiful scarf from John's mom (which received several unsolicited compliments!); a Zuni fetish healing bear made from Picasso granite (in the picture, he is covered with corn pollen; according to the Zuni, "When you offer corn to your fetish, in return you will be blessed."); a cheerful daisy bauble; a poem by Phillip Boothe called "First Lesson"; and my always-ready-for-a-hug Cubebot Julien (this is what he looks like when he is in cube mode: http://www.brilliantpuzzles.com/assets/images/Areaware/Cubebot_Julien_2.jpg). And of course, I also had the incredible assistance of thoughts and prayers from far and near.

The day after chemo I felt fine, but days 3 and 4 found me nested in the sofa.  My stomach was sensitive (but no nausea), my mouth was a bit rough (it's made up of rapidly dividing cells, which the chemo kills), and I was tired, but honestly the effects were not any stronger than the flu might be so I consider myself quite lucky. By Friday I was feeling much better, and though I'm still getting my strength back I've felt better each day. I also had to do five days of self-administered shots to stimulate the growth of blood cells, so had some achy bones and a bit of a fever, but again, nothing worse than if I had done something physically taxing.

Johnny spent the weekend at a straw bale building conference (we'll start a blog about THAT process soon!), and my Three Amigas, Kelly, Loretta, and Jane, came up from San Francisco to Kerstin-sit. They came loaded with incredible food and trashy magazines, and not only kept me entertained and comfortable all weekend, they also did household chores and doggie duty. I felt like a slightly sleepy princess, and we all decided that we shouldn't wait for an excuse like chemo-care to treat ourselves to a fun weekend together, so hope to do it again soon.

Monday (yesterday), I went in for the "nadir" blood work. Nadir means "low point" and they want to make sure I'm back on an upward trajectory. So, yup, the blood cells were a bit low, but nothing to be concerned about. The next step is approximately two weeks more of recovery and then the next round of chemo on the 28th.

Unfortunately, today I threw out my back, so THAT is causing me some pain, but luckily for me I some some good pain pills at my disposal. My dad and his wife Nancy (and the dog and the new kitten) arrive in their Air Stream at the end of this week, so I'm hoping I'm in fighting shape to keep up with them by that time. (Who am I kidding; even when I'm at full steam keeping up with them is difficult.)

Continued thanks for the emails, cards, flowers, and just plain good thoughts. I'm sending my best wishes to each and everyone one of you, and hoping they flow out to your family and friends too.

oxoxoxox
Kerstin

Pre-chemo Hair Cut

When I was little, my mom kept my hair short.

There was the requisite childhood mishap with scissors (you should have seen the doll),

and at the age of 5 I told my mom I wanted long hair.

By second grade, I had established my "look."

The length vacillated from below my shoulders to down to my waist, was sometimes layered and sometimes blunt cut, there was a decade or so of bangs, and many years of Lucile Ball red,  but I'll spare you photos because for the vast portion of the last 42 years this creature-of-habit had essentially the same hair cut.

Me this morning:

But guess what? Chemo is going to rid me of this not-so-glorious mane, and truthfully, it's probably time for a change anyway. So rather than finding foot-long dreadlocks in my shower drain a month from now I've opted for something new. And I LOVE it!

 

 

After treatment it will probably take me 8 months to regrow my hair to even this length, so I may just stay short-and-sassy. As we were wrapping up the appointment, I asked my hairdresser how often she gets women going from long hair to short, and she said, "Not often. And most of them don't laugh through the entire process... by this point they are usually wailing that they want their long hair back."

Not me. And I'm going to continue to laugh through the entire process... ;)

xoxoxox
Kerstin

Tretament Plan

Greetings All!

It's still a bit uncomfortable to spend much time in front of the computer, so I've been slow to respond to all your encouraging messages, but it makes me so happy to hear from you all. Thank you!

I met with the oncologist, a young woman (I'm getting old enough now that doctors really start to look like Doogie Howser to me) who grew up in the Twin Cities and went to the University of Minnesota, so she is perfect for me! She confirmed that we do not need to do radiation which is more excellent news since it will shorten the treatment time and I'll avoid the extra complications of that treatment (including that radiation/reconstruction don't play well together).

I do, however, need to do four rounds of chemo, starting in early October. Each round is about three weeks apart, so that will take me to the end of the year. I plan to start out the new year in perfect health -- in January I turn 50, and in February John and I will celebrate 20 years of being together, so there is much to look forward to.

And in that list of things to look forward to is connecting with each and every one of you very, very soon!!!

Much love,
Kerstin

Exceptionally happy news!

Pathology back-- the nodes are clear!!!! The tumor was smaller than they anticipated (yay!), and it was far enough away from the chest wall that there is a chance I won't need radiation. They are calling it stage 2. The other breast showed "pre-cancerous" cells, so it's a very good thing we did the prophylactic mastectomy on that side-- don't want to go through this surgery twice! Tomorrow I see my surgeon for a follow up, then will meet with the oncologist in the afternoon to see what her treatment recommendations are. And I imagine I'll meet with the plastic surgeon soon too--he started the reconstruction during the first surgery but there are still quite a few steps to that process.

I have felt your prayers and good thoughts through every moment of this process and will continue to be carried on that flow through the remaining steps of the journey to HEALTH! Every good thought is gratefully appreciated.

Xoxoxoxox
Kerstin

Mystery flowers!

Still resting and healing... I suspect I'll see my doctor in the next couple of days to get drains removed and hear more about the plan of action. Nothing on pathology yet. I'm just enjoying my rest!!!!

I received the most gorgeous bouquet of roses yesterday from flowers.com. They came with a nice note about recovery, but it was not singed and I couldn't find any indicators on the packaging as to who might have sent them. So thank you, mystery well-wisher! They are absolutely beauuuuuuuutiful!!!!

xoxoxo
Kerstin

Original blogger back in semi-action

Hi Everbody,

First, thank you SO very much for all the kind wishes. It really gives me strength to know that you are all on my team in this march toward health. As you can imagine, I have quite a backlog of emails/phone calls/correspondence, and I do plan on touching base with everyone at some point this week, but until I get a chance to reach out to you each personally you can rest assured that we are doing very well!

I spent most of the weekend in front of the TV catching up on landscape design shows (got to get ready for our 2.6 acres!). I feel like a small garden tractor has run over my chest, and don't have a broad range of movement in my arms, but all-in-all the pain is manageable. I even went for a couple of short walks yesterday. My chest is all bandaged up like a mummy, and Johnny is an exceptional nurse, dealing with all the messy parts. Our lives are pretty simple in this little apartment and we're loaded with yummy food (thanks to John's mom and sisters), so all-in-all we're quite well taken care of. At this point all we need are continued good thoughts, so keep them coming!

As for the next steps, we await the pathology report which will give us a lot of information and set the course for follow up treatment.

Much, Much, MUCH love to you all!!!!
Kerstin